The concept of introversion and extroversion isn't actually that old. Trey Armstrong , Ph. You've likely taken Myers-Briggs personality tests online. These days, we know a bit more about introvert and extrovert tendencies — including the fact that introversion isn't necessarily shyness, and that extroverts aren't necessarily socially invincible. Clinical psychologist Dr. Josh Klapow , Ph. Introverts process information, synthesize the world around them and make decisions about how to engage in the world in a much more solitary and internal manner.
This is not to say they are antisocial, shy, afraid, anxious, or aloof. I'm not alone. The pressure to be less introverted can be intense. Erika Martinez, Psy. In fact, a study of over college students and adults found that, when asked, most people said they wanted to be more extroverted , conscientious, or emotionally stable. Everything from our workplaces to our customary social spaces is structured to reward extroversion; if an introvert has a job that involves networking or public speaking, or wants to meet somebody and start a relationship, they need to push themselves outside of their comfort zones.
This, says Klapow, is called "social necessity. As an introvert, you may prefer to let others speak their piece so you can weigh their words and add them to your own reflections on the topic. Introverts are less open to risk-taking, which could include speaking up and socializing in the younger, developing years. A young introvert may have far fewer social interactions than a young extrovert, which will limit the development of their social skills. Competency is a huge factor in confidence, meaning an introvert could be less sure of their skills and compound any shyness already present.
Moving forward, shyness is something that can be worked on. You can reduce or eliminate shyness by improving your skills and by addressing self-esteem or confidence concerns. Most of the people I have spoken to felt exhausted or like imposters. All of them felt happier and were more productive when they understood who they were and worked to their introvert strengths, rather than their weaknesses.
Just like the need for sleep, if an introvert ignores their need for solitude and reflection, they cannot recharge their energy. Being in a sleep deprived-like state for 10 or 20 years in a career is a good recipe for burnout. Potentially, you could act extroverted in all your uptime with the world and recharge when you have downtime. Many people have adopted this model and have spoken of the toll it took on them. It is a major reason why introverts prefer smaller, quieter social interactions to large, noisy ones.
Scientists have studied and shown the fact that introverts get overwhelmed and drained by too much stimulation. Much like the above concept of not recharging your energy, acting extroverted permanently and exposing yourself to constant overstimulation will be draining.
It would be a constant drain on your energy, like leaving a light on in your car all the time. Extroverts can handle much more stimulation than an introvert, but even they need to take a break and have some alone time occasionally. Processing Information. When scientists have mapped what happens in the brain during a conversation or when receiving information, different parts of the brain fire introverts and extroverts. To try and respond like an extrovert would be to ignore how your brain works and lessen the quality of your work or thinking.
As mentioned, extroverts are better at dealing with stimulation, including information overload. To ignore this and expose yourself to a constant overload of information is going to overwhelm you and diminish your performance. An interesting critique of modern schools is that they make students focus on their areas of weakness, rather than their strengths.
For example, if a student does well in English but struggles in math, it is likely they will be encouraged to spend extra time or tutoring in their weak subject math instead of focusing on the subject they excel in. The same can be said of an introvert acting like an extrovert long term. Extrovert strengths include working in groups, expressing feelings easily, risk taking and making friends readily.
While everyone is a little different, broadly speaking these are the weaknesses of most introverts. If you were terrible at math would it make any sense to pursue a career in statistics or as an algebra teacher? If you were to work in a way that focused on your weaknesses, how successful do you think you would be in. If you were constantly working in areas you struggled in like math for me how motivated and energetic would you be? The idea of stretching your comfort zone to achieve growth is essential to personal success in any professional realm.
You can take short breaks by just standing, passively, not doing anything, and not interacting with anyone. You can do that for minutes in a group, and no one will notice.
If you find it easier to socialize in your own home, where you have more control, try inviting other people over for dinner or drinks. Watch the extroverts around you and see whether you can get any ideas for being more extroverted from what they do.
Watching a super socially skilled person in their element can inspire you. Making friends with an extrovert can be a great way to watch them in action and can make it easier for you to relax in social environments.
Trying to be more extroverted is going to cost you some energy. You can also plan time to recharge afterward. If you try to push yourself to be less introverted in all areas of your life at once, you run the risk of burning out. Next to each item on the list, write down why being more extroverted will help and how it is going to make your life better. For example, you might write:. Because then I can make a good impression on my professors and get a good reference.
How will that make my life better? You might never have considered yourself an extrovert, but there have probably been times when you were more extroverted than others. When you want to act more extroverted at work, it can help to reframe behaving in a more extroverted way as part of your role.
This is particularly useful at networking events. Read a few recent trade journals or articles so that you always have a subject to fall back on if conversation dries up. Alcohol can help you feel more outgoing and less inhibited.
A top recommendation for introverts is to read Quiet by Susan Caine. Some of the advice in this guide is based on this book. For more great reading material, we have rankings and reviews on the best books for introverts. Introversion is partly genetic, but it is also down to your environment and experiences. Studies suggest that genetics accounts for more than half of the difference in introversion within families, [ 8 ] possibly due to differences in brain responses to dopamine.
Changing from highly introverted to highly extroverted is rare, but you can learn how to stop being so introverted. Some people have introverted traits but have learned to act more like extroverts in social situations and can feel energized by these social events.
Although extroversion is partly genetic, our brains and feelings change as a result of our experiences. Some introverted people become more extroverted as they become older, whilst some extroverts might move in the opposite direction.
However, you can learn how to behave in a more extroverted way in social situations when it suits you. Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. Follow on Twitter or read more. I feel like I am a failure because I am so quiet and introverted. After that one of my other friends stopped talking to me because he said I was annoying and irritating and would always be alone. I hate my personality. You know? The world was made by extroverts, for extroverts.
I would love to be more talkative in social situations where i am not surrounded by my close friends. I would be so much happier if i could thrive in in social situations where hours of small talk is needed. Thanks for sharing Daniel. There are so many people who feel just like what you describe that joined our free email course. I see you signed up today, welcome! Notify me when someone responds to my comment.
Penguin Books. Hudson, N. Volitional personality trait change: Can people choose to change their personality traits?
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